I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
