Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
