But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
