saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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