It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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