It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
