That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
