My first STD was from a foam party
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This is the high leading the old right now
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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