Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
