I look better un-naked...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
