we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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