just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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