i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My bed smells like the plague
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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