dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
