my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
