I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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