woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
