My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
