girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
