Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
