I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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