he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
