Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
