He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
