Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
