What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
