I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
