idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
