I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
