you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
