my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
