we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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