My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
