There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My life is pants optional.
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