My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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