STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
