I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
