Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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