God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
