If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
