OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
