it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
