Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
