he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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