Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
