He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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