I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
