using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
