there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize