Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He kissed a someone with a penis
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
