I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
