I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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