theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
