I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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