She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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