I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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