the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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