Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
