dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
