my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
