Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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