If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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