Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
