Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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