while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
