finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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