I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
