My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
