Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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