I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize