This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
