i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
