i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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