no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
