Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
two words...techno handjob
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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