Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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